For many late diagnosed neurodivergent women, myself included, understanding your neurotype can be pivotal in exploring other aspects of your identity – like sexuality and gender identity. Understanding AuDHD felt like finding the answer to a question I had been pondering my entire life. While this newfound understanding of my neurotype felt affirming, it also felt overwhelming. What could have been different, had I known this about myself sooner, and received different types of support? The unmasking journey has been full of grief, and grit.
If you are a late diagnosed neurodivergent woman, exploring your sexuality can be an empowering way to build confidence and support your connection to your most authentic self.
The Connection Between Neurodivergence And Sexuality
For many neurodivergent individuals, sexuality is a core aspect of their identity. The intersectionality between neurodivergence, sexuality, and gender identity, displayed through current research, states that neurodivergent individuals are more likely to identify as queer or gender diverse. Some neurodivergent individuals report higher rates of asexuality, while others may report feeling stigmatized as “hypersexual” due to a high sex drive.
Tips To Support Re-Exploring Your Sexuality As A Late Diagnosed Neurodivergent Woman
1. Re-Explore Your Body And Interests
With this new understanding of your brain, it may be time to gain a new understanding of your body and sexual interests as well. Give yourself permission to touch your body, if it is within your comfort. Identify what feels good, and what does not. What parts of your body enjoy gentle touch? Which parts prefer a firmer grip? Erotic audio and books can be a fun way to explore new sexual interests privately as well.
2. Build Sexual Communication Skills
Consent is key in any sexual interaction, and this includes the one that we have with ourselves too. You can work on building your sexual communication skills and confidence by practicing consent with yourself first. For example, I am giving myself permission to touch my arm right now.
If you have a partner(s), consider introducing the stop light method into the bedroom. Green – everything feels great, we are all good. Yellow – I am getting close to my limits, or slow down. Red – full stop on all sexual interactions. As a neurodivergent woman, you may experience heightened sensitivities in sexual interactions. Feeling empowered in your communication skills, and prepared with the stop light method, can support you in allowing yourself to fully enjoy the moment in any sexual interaction.
3. Find Your Sensory Preferences 
As a neurodivergent woman, you have a higher likelihood of experiencing sensory overwhelm in the bedroom. However, with intentionality, you can turn your sexual interactions into the sensory experience of your preference.
Some things to consider when exploring your sexual sensory preferences are:
- The environment – texture of sheets and pillows
- Lighting
- Music
- Pressure
Do you enjoy the lights on, so you can see everything? Total darkness, or a dimly lit room?
Perhaps you want complete silence in the room, so you can hear your breathing. Or, you enjoy soft gentle music playing.
Utilizing pressure intentionally during sexual interactions can assist in keeping you grounded and present in the moment during sex. If this sounds exciting to you, perhaps you may want to explore light bondage like tying your wrists.
4. Prioritize Your Sexual Wellness Through Self-Love Rituals
As a late diagnosed neurodivergent woman, you may be rebuilding your self-esteem through this new lens of understanding your identity. Self-love is vital to supporting your growth on this journey.
Loving yourself is an intentional act that can be done in small increments daily. This looks different for everyone. For myself, it has been ensuring that I move my body daily, engaging in somatic movement through morning dance parties; and always making sure I have quick nutritious snacks available throughout the day. Some areas to consider include nutrition and hydration, movement, expressing yourself creatively through the arts, and fashion as a means of expression.
5. Connect With Community
The experience of late diagnoses as a neurodivergent woman is hard, but you are not alone. Engaging in community can support you in deepening your understanding of yourself through connection, and help you thrive. If you don’t know where to start, social media can be a great place. Search for neuroaffirming communities in your area. The BDSM community can also be a great place to connect with other neurodivergent, queer, and gender diverse individuals.
Ready to Start Exploring your Neurodivergent Identity Journey in NJ?
The journey of exploring your identity – neurotype and sexuality, can be lifelong. Though this can feel frustrating at times, it doesn’t mean that you are doing it wrong! Only that you are being open and intentional in your exploration. If you notice that you are struggling with increased anxiety or distress during parts of your journey, support is available. A neuroaffirming therapist can assist you in building your coping and communication skills, to thrive in your life in and outside of the bedroom. If you would like to hear more about what neuroaffirming therapy may look like for you, as a late diagnosed neurodivergent woman, reach out for a free phone consultation.
A Brave Minds Therapist in Scotch Plains and Branchburg NJ can help!
- Contact Brave Minds Psychological Services for a free consultation
- Talk with a compassionate therapist who understands the strengths and challenges of neurodivergence in women
- Get the support you deserve to strengthen your connection to your neurodivergent and sexual identity
Brave Minds Offers Support for ADHD in Adult Women in NJ
At Brave Minds Psychological Services, we understand the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent women. Our therapists provide personalized strategies to support your sensory needs, help you reach your organizational goals, and increase emotional regulation skills. While continuing to offer our core services like anxiety treatment, postpartum therapy, and trauma support, our compassionate team is dedicated to helping you navigate your neurodivergent experience with understanding and acceptance. Contact Brave Minds Psychological Services today to begin your journey toward comprehensive ADHD/AuDHD support.
